Welcome to Mark Olien, SHIFT’s newest contributor!
God as Intellectual Curiosity by Mark Olien
For many years I diligently read about different world religions, people’s varied concepts of God. I did this so that I could understand how beliefs in a deity shaped their daily behaviors, especially their human interactions. I have a curiosity about what makes people tick.
Suspecting that I already knew the ultimate truth about this “god thing”, I quickly created a self-centric intellectual understanding of what God was, how he was to be worshipped, and what purpose believing in him served. I thought that accumulating knowledge about the variety of ways humans conceive of and worship God would bring me closer to union with this source of all life, to the universal consciousness. Like a sumo wrestler preparing for the championship fight, I wanted to bulk up on this “god stuff”.
My rational approach to “knowing” God served me well for many years. I was comfortable with my orderly arrangement and believed that my “god knowledge” was everything I needed to be prosperous and happy, to live a meaningful life. When my wife died this year my myth was abruptly and painfully shattered. My theoretical understanding of God would serve me no longer.
On that unforgettable day, my heart was laid open to God as I fell to my knees and prayed for strength and guidance. My long revered intellectual curiosity provided no comfort, no clear understanding of how or why this could happen. Facts melted away, the logic supporting them swept aside by my despair, replaced by the hollowness of grief and that dreadful silence. How would I survive?
Next: Prayer Is the Answer
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